Alexis Ramdhani                                    

9/20/2016

Lopez                                                    English 100     

                  Grace Upon Grace

    May 16th, 2016, I laid on a table in a large room. I was ready. I was willing. I was definitely sweating. I was nervous, excited and trying to be brave. But that's hard to do when you have so much anticipation backing every thought: Am I making the right decision, Is this really what I want, What if i regret this? Luckily, I had a good hand to hold to squeeze. That’s grace. Help. Comfort. Support. Grace in the face of pain. I realized that moment was quite symbolic to my life. Having my hand held in my moment of anxiety is grace. I laid there wondering what funny facial expressions I would be making during this painfully awkward and exciting moment, but I knew this was what I wanted. “Are you ready,” he said, and I knew there was no going back. Today, on the inside of my right arm I have the words “grace upon grace”  forever tattooed to me. From that day on, they have remained as a reminder of the boundless amount of grace I have witnessed and received in my life. “Grace upon grace” is what I try to live by, what I have been given (according to John 1:16) and it’s the thing I want to give the most of. There was a time when I thought I had given up on grace, until there came a time I learned my life would completely changed. Ultimately, only grace would help get me through this. It was in these crucial years of my life that I learned to cultivate this beautiful thing called grace. I learned the truth to it, I learned how it has affected others and I've learned how my story has been affected by grace. That’s grace upon grace. It's endless. It's for everyone, and I'm excited to share it with you.

Grace is one of those funny terms that has no definitive meaning. Let's take the term “tree,” for example. We all pretty much know that a tree is a woody perennial plant, typically having a single stem or trunk growing to a considerable height and bearing lateral branches at some distance from the ground (Google.com). You can look out your window at a tree and go, “Yes. That’s a tree. I like that tree,” because, frankly, you know the meaning and association to what a tree is. But I couldn't tell you where grace is. Some people actually carry the name Grace, which is beautiful in and of itself. Therefore, I can point out a person and tell you, “That’s Grace. She's awesome. You should know Grace,” but I can't point to something like a jar of Nutella and tell you that’s grace (I mean in my world it is if we’re being quite honest, here) because grace isn't physical. It's something you feel in your heart and experience with your soul. The cool thing about grace is that everyone truly has their own meaning behind the term. Grace can mean many things either referring to a personal definition or in application to the way something or someone acts. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it states it is, ”A way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward,” or ,”A controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving.” Grace is the presence itself brings. But to some it means,“The free and unmerited favor of God...and the bestowal of blessings” (Google.com). Grace is a gift. Author, Wayne Jackson, from Christiancourrier.com says grace is, “...thrilling beyond words. It shines the brightest in the dark.” Grace is derived from the Greek word “charis,” which means “to rejoice or to have a sweetness.” Even the word grace, itself, is a graceful word! When I say the word, or look at the words tattooed upon my arm, I become joyous and excited because I know how something so simple as this little word has affected my life so deeply.

Like I said, grace has a different meaning to everyone. So, I asked some of my friends and family what the word grace means to them. The beautiful thing behind this word is that it has affected everyone so differently and so greatly. Grace is seemingly flexible and moreover infinite. It is an invitation to everyone. An invite to the party called “Happiness.” My coworker and dear friend, Jenna, said, “Grace is something God wants us to have and give because He has it for us and gives it to us freely. The dictionary defines it as doing honor or credit to one by your presence and that's exactly it. By giving and receiving grace we’re honoring God for all that He has done.” How much more right could she be? Think of someone you love: a family member, a friend, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your spouse or even your pet. Isn't their presence calming? Isn't it graceful? Don't you desire to be closer to them because it brings you peace and happiness? That's grace. That's the hand-hold, I mentioned earlier. (And on many days, that's the Nutella in the cupboard). Another coworker of mine and wonderful friend, Juran, said, “I think it's something you can have, something you can give, and something you can do. It's elegance and its presence, it's forgiveness.” All in all, exceptionally true! Good friends Moriah, Rachel, Ashley and cousin, Melissa, all said similar statements in which grace is not only humbling, but it is, “A beautiful and yet an undeserved gift God has given us.” This reflects the different ways God has used grace in their lives. Some more friends, Samantha and Allyson, stated that it's a form of art: “It is bringing peace and calm to something even when there is no clarity. It is underserved and unnerved but has the ability to ’diffuse a potential explosion.’” It is light in the dark. It is the sunshine in the storm. It is the wind that breaks the stillness. It is the calm that excites your existence. It’s the best gift to give and the most humbling to receive.

    You see, about 8 years ago, my family and I decided to make a change. That change would involve moving in with my grandmother who had succumbed to Alzheimer's Disease. We stepped into her life, not in grace at the time, but in bravery, astounded as to how we would tackle this new adventure in our lives. Boy, was it an adventure. The first few years were my grandmother forgetting things we laugh at when we do ourselves: forgetting to turn the hose off in the garden leaving an everlasting pond in a forest of roses, putting silverware in the plate cupboard, occasionally forgetting names, telling the same story we loved to hear again and again, leaving the front door wide open to welcome the strays of the street, or not knowing how to cut a piece of chicken my mom had made for dinner. And what was so great, was that she would laugh at herself for the silly things she would do. That's grace: forgiving yourself and others for the silly things we do in life. It was in the later years to come that I learned to be still, to be brave and to know that there are boundless amounts of grace to given and to be had. 

    As the years passed, the disease grew. What had gone from simple things forgotten turned to not knowing people, the inability to walk, feed herself, forgetting how to communicate and how to care for herself. She had reverted back to having these child-like needs. But it was here I learned how grace works: I learned to remain still, when the going got tough and I learned to be brave and fight back the fears and tears of what was becoming of my grandma. But grace remained, and although at times I didn't see it, it was always there. Grace is putting someone else before yourself. It's the hand-hold. It's most often times your presence. As the years passed and the disease grew, so did my heart for my grandmother. These were some of the hardest years of my life, but through this experience, I learned that grace truly conquers all, and that I could love my grandmother better by offering her the grace that I knew my faith had offered to me. 

    Everyone has their definition of grace. To some it is a presence you bring about: Being beautiful and graceful in a situation. To others, it's about the faithfulness God provides to you, so that you can give it to others. Caring for my grandmother taught me that grace is beautiful and it is present. Grace is caring with an infinite bliss. Grace is being present in the most humbling way. Grace is being still in moving times. Grace is brave. “Grace upon grace” is tattooed to my arm for a reason. That is what I've been given my whole life and it's the only thing worth giving away.