My Insecurites- chopped off.

My hair got cut yesterday. 

It hasn't been this short since like 6th grade. 

If you've grown up having long hair you know how much it means to you. 

I grew up with a lot of insecurities regarding my weight, my looks & my lisp. 

My hair, was always something I could hide behind. It protected me from things that I saw in myself that I didn't like. A lot of times I just really don't like how I look. Sometimes I think I'm too chubby. Sometimes I think my face doesn't look nice. Sometimes I think,"Geesh, how do I even have friends?" I thought that was the one "pretty" thing about me, my hair. It made me feel like I was confident. But now, I'm starting to understand that confidence has nothing to do with looks. It has to do with inner strength. That is where true beauty lies. A woman's confidence is not determined by how long her hair is, how skinny she is and whether or not she has a lisp. Confidence is measured by the where the heart lies. Where your heart lies, that's where you find a unique confidence specific to who you are. 

I realized after suffering a mini anxiety attack during the process that my long hair was a curtain, hiding the hidden sunshine. 

I feel good, dude. My hair was not only weighing down my natural curls but also the weight of the past! 

It's been chopped off and it feels, literally and figuratively, great! 

What hurts my feelings.

I'm not a perfect person. Sometimes I too forget to take my clothes out of the dryer when they're done, reply to an important email, read my bible as often as I should. 

I'm human. I'm 20. Im just trying to live on a budget and time frame that says: Rush and save. 

Sometimes I forget to live in the moment, but if there's one thing that I treasure is relationships. 

Even with my dog! I make sure I'm taking time to spend with him. That little guy is important to me. As are my human companions. 

Occasionally we humans tend do things that just kind of bite. Here's what you we do that stinks: 

• judge. Stop it. You know you do it. I do it, shoot. Sometimes people wear dumb hats and I'm like,"why the heck are you wearing that?" But I could never know that their deceased grandma gave them that hat. I don't know! But we do it and it hurts people. 

• write,call,text back. If I call you. If I text you. If I email you. If I know you saw it. Just say,"hey I saw your message. Can you give me a moment to get back to you? I'm making toast. (.....?)" Acknowledging that you saw an effort being made to get in touch with you should be humbling. Rarely do people make that effort to check up on others. Why can't we do it more? And if you're not. Put the toast down and do it. Don't go burnin' friendships. 

•call me lazy or anything else that doesn't make sense. Only I can call me lazy when I have the say of when being lazy is ok. Otherwise, don't call me lazy. I don't call you lazy. Nor do I call you other dumb names that have no resemblance of who I am. Like, are we even friends? 

•tell me things I don't need to hear. It's not that I don't care about an old fling being happy in a relationship now. But I don't care. Does this make sense? I care about the fling, but don't tell me they're happy with someone else if I didn't even bother asking becuase that hurts my feelings. 

•forget me. I will do anything in my power to be their for my friends, but friendship is not one sided. I can't be putting in all the effort. Please oh please oh please don't forget who I am, why we are friends and more importantly our friendship. (I think thats redundant) 

•turn off my Jesus. Don't play down my God in front of me. Don't trash talk him or refute him. He is whom I stand firm in. If you can't accept that, take a hike. 

I just blew off a lot of steam. That felt good. I think that's enough for now. Sometimes I rant. Rants make for good writes though. 

So, ya know...

L