Dear Ex

"...If this is fate, count me out..."
Ron Pope
Cinnamon

You know what's funny?
Fate.
There was no trying.
If it was going to work, it would of.

So how are you?
Are you ok?
How is your family?
What are you up to?
But really, are you ok?

I think about us seldom.
Remember how much we cared for each other & how much we would laugh?
Phone calls every night. Loved those!
How much we would spend time together and talk about a future.
You were my absolute best friend.
The way you would look in my eyes and would hold my hand.
The way you told me you loved me.

The way you lied.
Remember the hurt?
The tears?
The arguments?
The way you would hold me down.
Jealousy. Rage. Innocence. Deceit.
Love.
Loss.
Wasted weekends. Few hours. Fewer laughs.
What more could you have taken from me?

That was when You took all you needed from me.
While I grasped for what was possibly left of me.

I crashed.
And you left.
And you were ok.

It has taken much time get back what you took away.
What would it have taken for you to be there with me through
drawn-out days?
Through the years that I caved.
Through the nights my soul died.

You shattered me.
I was frightened.
Scared.

I was left in the dark.
No one picked me up, but the sweet hand of the
devil himself.
How could you have just left me there?

So, are you ok?
I mean I get it.
But when did you break?
Were you alone?
Maybe you are continuously shoving emotion after emotion
down your own throat.
When will you stop it?


Dear Ex,
I pray for you.
Neither am I totally healed.

Dear Ex,
No, I am not her.

Dearest Ex,
You taught well.
Love is sacred.

Dear Ex,
I forgive you.
But I can't love you.

Dear Ex,
I'm scared to fall.

Dear Ex,
Do you think anyone will ever love
either one of us again?

Dear Ex,
I am so sorry.
I am just so sorry.

Ex,
Why is the truth so easy this time around?




Alexis

Why It's So Ok To Be & Feel Alone

I seriously love candles. They are delicious to the nostrils. Anyways.

Lately, I have felt the utmost of loneliness. 

Very unwanted, unloved and alone.

So, the struggle has been real as they say. 

But also, I have felt the best of comfort and satisfaction with

being alone. 

Funky, huh?

My nature is to just take myself out of situations. 

Like photoshopping me out of pictures.

Poof. Gone.

That is how I handle things. 

I book it.

Run for the hills.

Peace out. 

Deuces.

See ya later, alligator.

And I'm coming to terms with that being an ok thing for me to do.

I have had to realize that there is a lot of bologna in my life and for me to process 

it all, I need a time-out.

And usually a good trip to the beach will do that for me. 

I first used to think that I could handle situations head-on. Then my heart and head said in agreement,"Kidding, you can't handle squat. You need to call a rain check."

It is very hard for me to give myself breaks. I often don't think I deserve them and that it is just

wasting my time.

What a lie from Satan himself! 

Everybody needs a rest!

We need time to recuperate from a rough week, day, hour, etc. 

Having these breaks allow me to pray, rest and better my spirit for the adventure ahead. 

As for what I have been feeling:

Unwanted: It stinks. Longing for a need.

Unloved: I miss I love you's and I really care about you, Lex.

Alone: Who turned out the lights?

And every time I think about this, I think...

Well where did I place God in the midst of this?

Because he WANTS me, he LOVES me and he is ALWAYS with me. 

Affirmation from family and friends is always a wonderful thing. 

It is the utmost of comforting. 

Even just randomly. I love it and I appreciate it. 

So, I think what I'm trying to get across here is that you are not alone. Nor am I.

And when you want to be alone, you go do it. 

Because being alone and feeling alone are both terrible and beautiful differences. 

I long to be alone because that's time for me.

But I crave company, companionship and affirmation because I don't like feeling 

shut-out.

And that's how I feel. 
In the midst of terribly and beautifully alone, honey.



I care about you.
Lelee 

You're Going to Destroy Me

I love you.
With an unfathomable love that cannot compare to another.

And you will hear me.
You will see it in my eyes
as the way these beautiful words
roll off of my lips.

You will hear it speak through my heart.
With every thump, every lump, every beat.
I will say: I love you.

With your hand, I will hold.
With your arms, I will wrap.
With your mind, I will have you.

But you're going to deny me.

Yes, For a moment you'll think,
No. This cannot be.

You will strike, me
And you will come at me like a force of
of a thousand winds that will carry me
to a distant place.
Far. Far away from you.

You'll knock me off my feet
and I'll cry
and
you
will
hurt
me.

In an endless cycle, you will want me
and kick me and curse me and please me
and be with me
and leave me.

You're going to destroy me.
But I'll do it for you.

And I will see it through
that you know
you are
loved.


-Jesus