The Lack Thereof Theory

I have a theory:

I feel like girls who aren't close with their fathers seek out more male attention than those who are pretty close. 

Do tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like I see this pattern in many of my companions. Heck, I think in this way too! 

Let's be honest. I'm not super close with my dad. Just don't get along and it's complicated, really. 

My high school years, I was a tad boy crazy. Alright, maybe not a tad, but I loved the attention!

I still crave male attention! Me and my dad's relationship has not improved in any way at all since high school. There is really. Just a lack, thereof. 

It stinks.

 I really would like to have a man in my life that I look up to, feel protected by, can be open with, and just totally loved by! 

Not having those feelings sucks! 

Wait a sec, before you say anything, I know I am loved, protected, and cared for by the an amazing amazing man: Jesus. I am beyond thankful for that. 

But this earthly father that God presented me with...what am I to do? 

I know that the lack of love here caused me to turn elsewhere for it. 

I still crave that same desire to be wanted and cared for, but I have to constantly remind myself that I should never abandon my father, for I was meant for him and he for me. 

I may not know the reason, but God does and I trust God has the best of reasons, beyond any I can ever fathom. 

It makes me sad, that awkward tension and lonliness and frustrations keep my dad and I apart. Sometimes, I feel like it will never go away. In fact, aside from the heartbreak of caring for my grandmother, I think this situation has to be the runner up. 

I think I'll be ok. 

Lex