Back Burner Life

Awhile back ago it seems I got my heart kind of hurt. 

I'm going to be real with you and tell you I tried to fill in the cracks. 

I found a replacement soon after and I accidentally started to develop the feels. 

Well today, we had a discussion that being just friends is an ok thing. 

I feel sad.

But I'm also relieved becuase I KNEW  from the beginning it would never have worked out. We are two completely different people that love the same things. Weird right? He likes hot chocolate. I like coffee. But we both like jazz lounges.

Why was I looking forward to a lost cause?

You know what though? I'm glad it was now than later. Imagine if I had fallen in love with the guy and then we had this talk. I'd be pretty devastated.

So ya. It sucks. I'm not going to lie and say I'm currently happy but maybe it's God saying,"two times in a row I've taken out guys that weren't for you. Just pause and let me take care of everything you goob."

Funny because then I saw this today. 

I want my heart to fully heal before I like someone again. It didn't get that chance. It's been toyed with and lied to and stuck and hopeless and I'm over that. 

I want a guy who's going to full on pursue me. Not leave me guessing & get my hopes up.

So ya. I guess that's that! 

We're still totally friends though. 

It was nice to get my mind off the past heartbreak for awhile. 

You know, Truth is, no matter how long ago it was,  how it ended and what was lost it will still affect me. 

I have my moments where I'm angry at the situation or myself or just sad because I lost a friend. 

I never meant for what happened to happen. 

I know It shouldn't even be a thought in my head, but when you see posts about new relationships flourishing over social media it just makes you think...well what the heck? Where in the world...? Why? 

And it hurts your feelings because it happened within a moments notice. 

I tend to get left on the back burner a lot. I'm trying to figure out why still. 

But I think when it comes down to it I just need to chill out. 

I had a Tinder dude. HAD.

I deleted it today becuase what's the point anymore? 

Half the guys on there want something more than a meetup for a chimichanga. 

I don't need to look there for a good guy. 

So that's done. 

No more "looking" 

No hoping 

No wishing 

No waiting 

Just pausing 

Being thankful for what I have & what is yet to come 

Well here's my hearts content for tonight. 

It feels better getting it all out. 

I feel much better. Thank you for listening (: 

Did you have a good thanksgiving? Are you pumped for Christmas?!? 

I'm going to CaliChristmas on Friday!!! I'm so stoked!!! 

Ttfn

Lex