In the Light

The In The Dark post, I wrote a couple nights ago. I just had 0 strength to post it until tonight.
And now, here I am.
I did have my sit-down with Jesus.
I did cry.
But I feel so much better.

This week has been a nightmare to say the least.
I've been speaking to a friend a lot about a health issue of mine going on. I am afraid.
I know that friends and I are growing distant and that absolutely breaks my heart. I feel so alone.
When someone you care for tells you it's not going to work like that, it's a whirlwind.
When a loved one passes and you have to comfort someone, but you don't even have the right words...it's awful.
When you forget about someone so important to your life, oh gee... I can't even...

This week I've learned that life, in all its beauty and wonder, holds a milestone of grief.
For a time, we run into this and we forget about how precious you and them are.
For the things I've been placing in front of me , are minimal to plans He has.

I've felt very weak.
Until, today I went to Barnes and Noble. (stinkin love that place)
I was really drawn to the bargain section. (Homegirl likes a good bargain.)
I was looking at a couple different books and I just knew in my head that if I really wanted a book, it would speak to me. (I wish I could say it went all Sorting Hat status, but no)
I passed a couple, but nothing caught my eye until one blue book sat on the edge of the shelf. All by its lonesome. On sale. (righteous!!!) Called A Course In Miracles. You can ask my friend I went with, I carried it around that book store until we were ready to leave because that book just had the answer I've been so wanting.

Do you ever feel like your life is at a standstill?
Where is it going? How is God working? Is he working?
I do.
I've been waiting on a miracle and DUDE now I get to have this book on studying miracles!!!

So to tell you the truth, I found a better price (still a bargainer) on Amazon. So I am awaiting it's arrival.
But I am so stoked for it to come in!

I've read reviews that make this book just seem like gold! (besides the Bible)
I am STOKED to let you know how this book is going.

But anywho. Would you like some detail into this week?
No? Go make a quesadilla.
Yes? Sit tight.

I need to make an appointment asap because I need to get checked to make sure homecat over here does not have breast cancer. I found a lumpy. My mama recently defeated breast cancer with a sword like no other. She kicked its butt in a matter of months! I should have little to fear, but there is still that word "fear" that lingers in my mind.

So, like I am so pooped. Today is the 9th. I'm going to hit the hay. But I'll finish up with my tomorrow. Cool? Goodnight.

Definitely did not come back to this on the 10th. I had nothing of a clear mind to write thereon after.
Today is the 16th and I feel good.
So, let's continue.

Still have not made that appointment.

Friends: Oh the lord giveth and Lord taketh away. I have had a great group of friends in past years.
I am unbelievably thankful for how they have helped my journey, but we are all seemingly going separate ways. I still love them to death, but God is saying," Hey Lex, I need you over here."

Boys: Ha! It's taken me these 6 days of not writing so I could clear my head. Yes. Things did not work out with a boy that I really care for. I think the hardest part is that we were really close friends. Or, at least I thought so. And now, I have to let go of that. I had to ask him, not to care so much about me anymore because in all honesty, what's the point?
I'm still hurting over it, but with time it gets better. The first couple of days absolutely sucked though, I can tell you that much. It's hard seeing him around and trying not to let the awkwardness settle in.
I'm working on it though. But seeing him occasionally just brings back a flood.
Like I said, time. And God. He's been pushing me through.
And friends. They rock.

Work: Phew! I don't even know where to start. I am a camp counselor at a summer camp. I stinkin' love my job. I love these kids. I love investing in them. I love telling them about Jesus.
But it is exhausting. And some of these kids just push my buttons, but I can't help but love each and every one of them.
Each one has their own story. Each one has affected me in a different way.
Sometimes, I just wish they would sit still and listen. Or open up to me.
Eventually they do, but it takes time.
I can't rave enough about how I love this job.
I am so thankful for it.

My Nona: I haven't seen her in awhile. I haven't been going into her bedroom and saying Hi or Goodnight. Is that bad? Sometimes, it is just too hard for me to do so. It's still so hard for me to see her lifeless body cooped up in a bed. I hate that I put her aside and I need to make the effort to see her.
She is literally in the bedroom right next to mine.

Patience is key. That is what I am learning this week.
I am feeling so in the light of God through this miserable week, it's amazing.
Isn't he so cool?

Alexis