So anyways,
There were plenty more events that happened my senior year in high school: someone thrashed my school locker & threatened to rape me. I had a mirror in there that they shattered and sprinkled all over my textbooks (that they drew on as well.)
Friendships with friends were turning from bad to worse.
And home-life, that's another story:
6 years ago, my family moved into my grandmother's house to take care of her, my Nona.
6 years ago, she had started developing the early stages of dementia, a tragic oncoming of Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's disease causes the brain to deteriorate, ultimately killing off brain cells and turning the once life-filled brain into absolute mush.
I was pretty close to Nona, my grandmother, growing up. This lady would tell me stories of her upbringing all the time and I so admire all she did. She is the oldest of her multiple siblings. They grew up during WWII. Her family had to escape Italy and go to Benghazi, Africa in order to escape the tirany of Mussolini. There, she still endured the hardships of the war around her. She would tell me stories of homes being blown to smithereens and having to hide away in bomb-shelters. Having to care for her younger siblings most of their lives until they moved to the US and met my grandpa. They were set-up and my Nona was such a charmer that my gramps proposed ON THE SECOND DATE!
(Dear future guy I date, on our second date, can we please get Kickin' Crab? It's really great Cajun Seafood and I want to show you how I can chow down like a champion.)
Nona took care of me when I was a baby while my parents worked. As I got older, I took the school bus from her house to school and took the same bus back to her house. She would have an extravagant home-made Italian lunch all set up for me.
She worked at Disneyland for 14 years and almost every week she would take me. It was such a magical experience. It was truly the "Happiest Place on Earth" when Nona was with me. Her smile and laugh could melt your heart. She cared, uncontrollably about everyone and always sought to make people the happiest they could be.
Every Wednesday was sphagetti night, where she would make all the family a dish of her homemade sphagetti and meatballs. (If you have never had an Italian woman make you home-made sauce before, find an Italian woman and ask her to. You will never eat at Olive Garden again.)
After my grandfather passed away, is when we really started noticing change in her. My grandpa was a wonderful man. He truly was something special and the love between my grandparents was a beautiful thing. He always was singing and always had memorable quotes. This sweet man suffered from diabetes. Somedays, when he was feeling good, he would wrap me up in his arms and take me to the backyard swing and sing to me as we rocked away with not a care in the world.
I miss his songs. I miss his hugs. I miss his love. I really, really do. The toll of losing him was too great.
Nona started with leaving the sink on. Then the gardening hose. She was repeating herself and often would say she was ready to go home, when we were at her home.
It went onto her forgetting names and forgetting how to drive. My family decided it would be a good idea to move in and help her.
It progressed to forgetting where she was going, forgetting how to use a fork, how to speak English, eventually to forgetting how to walk, talk, and use her body.
Her sense of communication now are mumbles and shouts.
She is bed-bound and we have done all we can to make the most of her life for her.
We do the feeding, changing, medical attention, etc.
Do you know how hard it is to watch someone you love so dearly, slowly forget everything you once knew to be loved so dear?
It has been the hardest thing: watching her life change in a long and fast 6 years.
I don't know why my precious Nona had to develop this. I don't know what God has left in store for her and that is hard.
It's hard for me to care for her, knowing that somedays she will smile at me, knowing who I am and others she just stares at me as in a daze. I know somewhere deep down she still knows me. Somewhere I'm still a part of her life.
On good days, we catch her smiling. Occasionally a coherent word like: "good" or "ok."
When I care for her I try to talk to this body with a small mind. I tell her about life and my day, wondering what could be trickling through her mind. Her eyes are not what they once were: so full of life. That is hidden behind what seems to be dark eyes.
A lot of times, I tend to think that the pain behind all this is what caused me to go looking for a longed love that I found elsewhere.
Nor did I, during the early years of staying with her had I ever sought out Christ for strength.
Today, I seek him daily in each aspect of caring for her. I may not know his purpose for her and my family, but his plans are something I cannot even fathom.
We're still caring for and loving her each day. It's hard, but it's an adventure.
When I attended college my freshman year is when I found out that having a relationship with Christ was the real deal! Going to a Christian school, always going to Chapel and having Bible classes was the push I needed. Not only that, but being brought into my home church. Having a loving community that walks with you on your adventure is a beautiful thing. God calls us to be in community with our brothers and sisters. I don't know where I would be without having these forces causing me to collision with God. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm sure that was all God-the forces.
Much Like Skywalker, I was shocked when this mighty force said,"Lex, I am your father." But instead of saying,"NOOOOOOOOO."
I said,"YAAAAAAAAY!!!!"
He's such a cool guy. Having a relationship with my daddyo has helped me through all the adventures I have been on: big and small. Each day, he likes to show me how He loves me. It's just up to me to see.
At the beginning of the year, my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It was a long and tedious process of figuring out what steps to take and how the cancer was transforming. Who would of ever thunk that my mom, who cares so much for her mom, would end up with this. When we found out we were floored.
Would you believe that within months, the cancer disappeared?
That is how amazing God works. He is such a trooper that never ever fails us.
He can take disease and knock it dead!
He literally is the almighty!
Today, we're living life. It's cool. Taking each day as it comes. Loving God more and more for each adventure I go on. I like Adventure and am stoked for more.
Dude, the Almighty, is your dad.
Lexy
No comments:
Post a Comment