This is my Jake. He's half weiner dog and half Pekingese. He's like my best friend. We tell each other everything. I tell him I ate all the Nutella in the house. He tells me where he peed in the house. All in all, I love this dude. Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Jake Ramdhani
This is my Jake. He's half weiner dog and half Pekingese. He's like my best friend. We tell each other everything. I tell him I ate all the Nutella in the house. He tells me where he peed in the house. All in all, I love this dude. 
The PP's
I don't know about you, but I'm a girl.
And with that treasure, you get Shark Weeks.
I'm talking PP's today.
Period Problems.
(que dramatic music)
my whole life I've had awful, awful, awful PP's
I get the cramps, the breakouts, the anger, the bloating, the constipation, all of it.
I use so many pain relievers I wouldn't be surprised if my stomach ulcers had ulcers.
Kidding.
Anyways. it stinks.
Today, this guy I just met in my class kept on trying to talk me & all I wanted to do
was sit there...in silence....in my agony.
I. Wanted. To. Go. Home.
but i still had an hour.
it was the most destructive hour of my life.
then i was driving home and I rode everybody's tail
now i do not usually commit such a crime
& i hate when people do it to me
but it was an emergency
then some construction workers were working on my street
& i yelled at one of them from out my window that he needed
to get out of the street so I could go home and use the bathroom.
...can't believe i did that
when you are experiencing the PP's...like you're a whole new person.
I was listening to the radio and this girl came on and she talked about how happy
she was that she was expecting. I told her, as if she could hear me, that her baby's name was ugly.
sorry future octavia.
(and if your name is that, im sorry. it's not ugly)
i went home. went to bed. used a heating a pad. ate some cookie dough.
a chocolate chip cookie. 4 sugar cooke christmas edition ones. and some lentil soup
then i watched 5 episodes of Seinfeld.
then I laid in my bed for 3 hours.
and now im tired and am ready for bed & it is 7 o'clock pm.
I know (from personal experience) that if I cut the dairy & sugar & take my calcium & magnesium supplements, this won't happen.
but it did. & I like cheese & cookies.
Maybe next month.
And with that treasure, you get Shark Weeks.
I'm talking PP's today.
Period Problems.
(que dramatic music)
my whole life I've had awful, awful, awful PP's
I get the cramps, the breakouts, the anger, the bloating, the constipation, all of it.
I use so many pain relievers I wouldn't be surprised if my stomach ulcers had ulcers.
Kidding.
Anyways. it stinks.
Today, this guy I just met in my class kept on trying to talk me & all I wanted to do
was sit there...in silence....in my agony.
I. Wanted. To. Go. Home.
but i still had an hour.
it was the most destructive hour of my life.
then i was driving home and I rode everybody's tail
now i do not usually commit such a crime
& i hate when people do it to me
but it was an emergency
then some construction workers were working on my street
& i yelled at one of them from out my window that he needed
to get out of the street so I could go home and use the bathroom.
...can't believe i did that
when you are experiencing the PP's...like you're a whole new person.
I was listening to the radio and this girl came on and she talked about how happy
she was that she was expecting. I told her, as if she could hear me, that her baby's name was ugly.
sorry future octavia.
(and if your name is that, im sorry. it's not ugly)
i went home. went to bed. used a heating a pad. ate some cookie dough.
a chocolate chip cookie. 4 sugar cooke christmas edition ones. and some lentil soup
then i watched 5 episodes of Seinfeld.
then I laid in my bed for 3 hours.
and now im tired and am ready for bed & it is 7 o'clock pm.
I know (from personal experience) that if I cut the dairy & sugar & take my calcium & magnesium supplements, this won't happen.
but it did. & I like cheese & cookies.
Maybe next month.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Why You Are Worth So Much More Than You Know
So, I'm actually supposed to be writing a paper for a project but I decided writing you was more important because I feel like you may need to hear this today. I don't know who it is to, but as soon as I got home I felt like I needed to write this. So if it's for you, I'm so glad. Know you are treasured.
Do you know how much you're worth?
I mean do you really?
All the time you keep comparing yourself & putting yourself down.
I know you do. I see it in your eyes.
You might be putting up this front like you know you've got it goin' on.
But deep down, you're hurting.
There's a large casm filled with void, emptiness.
When you try to fill it, you find that you just dig yourself even deeper.
I know this. I know you. You're just like me.
As a chick, finding our sense of self is so hard. We are just so dang hard on ourselves.
We want to be popular, beautiful, talented, intelligent, wealthy and somehow be able to attract the species unknown: the male.
I know for myself, I have never thought too highly of myself ( as you can read in past bloggies. )
I never really thought there was too much to me. Last night I was thinking to myself...Actually can I show you the conversation I had with myself? Ok.
Alexis: Sheesh. Why do I even have friends?
Why do people stick around for me?
What is it that makes me so special to them?
Alexis: (ponders) hmmm. I really don't think I have the answer to this equation.
Alexis: (still pondering) Maybe...just maybe there is no answer...
Alexis: Right! like that time you took geometry and new nothing and you bombed!
Alexis: Well, sort of. I mean I'm taking Philosophy and I still don't feel like I know the material, but I did ace my midterm.
Alexis: (applause) Right! I remember that! Anyways. Maybe that's it. Maybe the answer is not in finding yourself, alone. Maybe you need help. It took all that tutoring to get you that A! Now where do I find that help?
Alexis: Friends are good.
Alexis: Family is 'aight.
Alexis: God is good.
Alexis: So, the reason people like me is why?
Alexis: Because you're you. There need not be a reason. Even when you feel like you have no friends there is a God out there that desires your attention. He made you into this oh-so-special being. You are one of a kind. Everyone is. That's what makes you unique. That is why people like you! You are not like anyone else. You are you.
So, after having this dialogue with myself I realized that maybe I should be thinking better of myself. I mean, pshh. No one has a lisp like me that's for sure. ( And if you do, high-five lisp buddy!!)
I want you to take a moment. Turn off your music. Put your phone on silent & I really want you to hear me out because tears are falling out of my eyes. I can't tell you why, but the silence and peace is so nice and I want you to truly understand when I ask you to do this.
Think about YOU for a moment. Don't worry. I won't look. All my insecurities are flooding out, too.
Answer this: who are you?
Sit in this question for about 5 minutes. Here in the quite. Listen for God. He will talk to you, I promise.
HOLD ON. Don't look down yet until your 5 is up young lady!
I took the 5. Did you take the 5?
Well. I cried.
I don't even know why I'm crying, but I've felt your pain before.
I know what it's like.
It's ok.
You're not alone.
It's ok to cry, too.
It's also ok to ask your pals for a hug. Sometimes I just need one.
I just need affirmation that I'm loved.
It's also ok to be alone for a bit, but I encourage to talk to people and let them know what's going on. Sadness loves isolation. Take it from someone that knows. When you feel bad after eating a donut. You don't want to be buddy-buddy with the treadmill for a bit. It's ok. But eventually you just have to face it!
Talk to people. They want to listen.
I want to share some verses from my Bible that I have highlighted, if that is ok with you.
Matthew 5:4 ~ "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted?"
Matt 6:25 ~ "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear."
Matt 7:7-8 ~ "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Matt 10:29-31 ~ "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even they very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Matt 11:28 ~ "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Luke 12:32 ~ " Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom."
1 Cor 1:7 ~ "...you do not lack any spiritual gifts..."
Psalm 139:14~ "I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
I hope that for the time being, these give you some encouragement.
Now I want you go listen to "Mystery" & "You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham & know you're wonderful and you are made by a God like no other. (haha there is no other)
Sit in on these songs. Listen to their words and let God move in you. He has so many plans for you. He loves you dearly. He knows your hurt. He knows your pains and sadnesses. He also can't tell you enough how proud He is to have you as a daughter. You make him so happy.
He gave you this book. It's called the Bible. If you want to know just how much more you are cherished, please read it. He will tell you everyday just how great you are.
I don't know who you are reading this right now, but you should know that you are treasure and loved and cared for by one of the mightiest forces on this planet.
Also by me. I love ya! You're a great person.
You don't need that boy.
You don't need that desire of your flesh.
You don't need stuff.
You don't need to feel alone.
You never will be.
You don't need to be super popular.
You don't need to be in the best shape ever.
God wants to fulfill every broken piece of your heart you feel. LET HIM.
I found this "letter from the lord" off an instagram post by JCLU. I love it and it's written on the front of my journal to read during my Slytherin times (like you know how Draco Malfoy is always mean and nasty and shady and just a slytherin. ya. that is what i call my dark times). It's a good read. Here. you read it. I think you'll like it:
"My Princess, You are never alone, my beloved. When you hurt, I hurt and it breaks my heart to watch you cry without me. I am here with you, desiring to be the shoulder your tears fall on. I too walked the world broken, my love. We will work through any and all things together, my princess. I can and will heal your broken heart. Call out my name, Jesus, in your dark hours, and I will hold you. Will you give me a chance to love you back to life again? I promise that you will see the light of a new day and joy will come again.
-the Lord"
Every time I read this I just get the chills!!
Hey. He's trying to tell you something.
We love you. You are so cool! You should know that.
So don't question your worth. Know in this moment, that to me. To God. To your buddies. Your family.
You, my doll, are worth so much more than you know.
Your's truly,
your lex
Do you know how much you're worth?
I mean do you really?
All the time you keep comparing yourself & putting yourself down.
I know you do. I see it in your eyes.
You might be putting up this front like you know you've got it goin' on.
But deep down, you're hurting.
There's a large casm filled with void, emptiness.
When you try to fill it, you find that you just dig yourself even deeper.
I know this. I know you. You're just like me.
As a chick, finding our sense of self is so hard. We are just so dang hard on ourselves.
We want to be popular, beautiful, talented, intelligent, wealthy and somehow be able to attract the species unknown: the male.
I know for myself, I have never thought too highly of myself ( as you can read in past bloggies. )
I never really thought there was too much to me. Last night I was thinking to myself...Actually can I show you the conversation I had with myself? Ok.
Alexis: Sheesh. Why do I even have friends?
Why do people stick around for me?
What is it that makes me so special to them?
Alexis: (ponders) hmmm. I really don't think I have the answer to this equation.
Alexis: (still pondering) Maybe...just maybe there is no answer...
Alexis: Right! like that time you took geometry and new nothing and you bombed!
Alexis: Well, sort of. I mean I'm taking Philosophy and I still don't feel like I know the material, but I did ace my midterm.
Alexis: (applause) Right! I remember that! Anyways. Maybe that's it. Maybe the answer is not in finding yourself, alone. Maybe you need help. It took all that tutoring to get you that A! Now where do I find that help?
Alexis: Friends are good.
Alexis: Family is 'aight.
Alexis: God is good.
Alexis: So, the reason people like me is why?
Alexis: Because you're you. There need not be a reason. Even when you feel like you have no friends there is a God out there that desires your attention. He made you into this oh-so-special being. You are one of a kind. Everyone is. That's what makes you unique. That is why people like you! You are not like anyone else. You are you.
So, after having this dialogue with myself I realized that maybe I should be thinking better of myself. I mean, pshh. No one has a lisp like me that's for sure. ( And if you do, high-five lisp buddy!!)
I want you to take a moment. Turn off your music. Put your phone on silent & I really want you to hear me out because tears are falling out of my eyes. I can't tell you why, but the silence and peace is so nice and I want you to truly understand when I ask you to do this.
Think about YOU for a moment. Don't worry. I won't look. All my insecurities are flooding out, too.
Answer this: who are you?
Sit in this question for about 5 minutes. Here in the quite. Listen for God. He will talk to you, I promise.
HOLD ON. Don't look down yet until your 5 is up young lady!
I took the 5. Did you take the 5?
Well. I cried.
I don't even know why I'm crying, but I've felt your pain before.
I know what it's like.
It's ok.
You're not alone.
It's ok to cry, too.
It's also ok to ask your pals for a hug. Sometimes I just need one.
I just need affirmation that I'm loved.
It's also ok to be alone for a bit, but I encourage to talk to people and let them know what's going on. Sadness loves isolation. Take it from someone that knows. When you feel bad after eating a donut. You don't want to be buddy-buddy with the treadmill for a bit. It's ok. But eventually you just have to face it!
Talk to people. They want to listen.
I want to share some verses from my Bible that I have highlighted, if that is ok with you.
Matthew 5:4 ~ "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted?"
Matt 6:25 ~ "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear."
Matt 7:7-8 ~ "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Matt 10:29-31 ~ "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even they very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Matt 11:28 ~ "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Luke 12:32 ~ " Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom."
1 Cor 1:7 ~ "...you do not lack any spiritual gifts..."
Psalm 139:14~ "I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
I hope that for the time being, these give you some encouragement.
Now I want you go listen to "Mystery" & "You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham & know you're wonderful and you are made by a God like no other. (haha there is no other)
Sit in on these songs. Listen to their words and let God move in you. He has so many plans for you. He loves you dearly. He knows your hurt. He knows your pains and sadnesses. He also can't tell you enough how proud He is to have you as a daughter. You make him so happy.
He gave you this book. It's called the Bible. If you want to know just how much more you are cherished, please read it. He will tell you everyday just how great you are.
I don't know who you are reading this right now, but you should know that you are treasure and loved and cared for by one of the mightiest forces on this planet.
Also by me. I love ya! You're a great person.
You don't need that boy.
You don't need that desire of your flesh.
You don't need stuff.
You don't need to feel alone.
You never will be.
You don't need to be super popular.
You don't need to be in the best shape ever.
God wants to fulfill every broken piece of your heart you feel. LET HIM.
I found this "letter from the lord" off an instagram post by JCLU. I love it and it's written on the front of my journal to read during my Slytherin times (like you know how Draco Malfoy is always mean and nasty and shady and just a slytherin. ya. that is what i call my dark times). It's a good read. Here. you read it. I think you'll like it:
"My Princess, You are never alone, my beloved. When you hurt, I hurt and it breaks my heart to watch you cry without me. I am here with you, desiring to be the shoulder your tears fall on. I too walked the world broken, my love. We will work through any and all things together, my princess. I can and will heal your broken heart. Call out my name, Jesus, in your dark hours, and I will hold you. Will you give me a chance to love you back to life again? I promise that you will see the light of a new day and joy will come again.
-the Lord"
Every time I read this I just get the chills!!
Hey. He's trying to tell you something.
We love you. You are so cool! You should know that.
So don't question your worth. Know in this moment, that to me. To God. To your buddies. Your family.
You, my doll, are worth so much more than you know.
Your's truly,
your lex
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